Q:How do I Keep my Neighbors from Stealing my Herbs?

Mangos on tree

Answer:

I used to live in a tiny house with an enormous mango tree, as well as an avocado tree in the yard.

My neighbors constantly stole things, most of which I would gladly have given to them.

One time, they broke into my yard, (could have knocked but they broke in all the time), stole my laundry basket, which was outside on my washing machine or dryer, and filled it with mangoes. Which, as I said, I would have gladly given to them.

I came home and hunted for my laundry basket until I saw it in their yard, full of my mangoes. I demanded it back. They said “Oh, we thought no one used it.”

Another time was my bike, which I rode every day…they stole that complete with the lock around the frame and wheel. When I demanded that back, they said “Oh, we thought no one used it.” Grr.

So, if you rent save up and move.

I think a nice person might find a nice, small basket, put some herbs in it, put a bow on it and present it to them saying “Oh, I thought you might like some of these.” and see if they get the point.

My neighbors were hopeless. Sorry I can’t help with your problem.

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How to Use Your Spork Properly

Sporks

From popular joking points in kitchens, people learn to properly use a spork in jail. Prisoners are given plastic sporks because they can’t be weaponized.

Sporks have been around a long time. They were first patented in the U.S. in the mid 1800’s, although the idea wasn’t new.

The concept behind a spork, other than why it is issued to inmates, is pretty obvious. A fork and spoon combo! In 1848 the first patent was issued for a spork that had a cutting blade. Whether this had any applications is unclear. Maybe in the military.

At any rate, if you invented the spork today, a lot of people would say “how stoned were you?” Sporks don’t work well for eating anything, at least in my opinion. Sporks illustrate a fundamental thought in physics, which is that in trying to adopt the qualities of a fork and spoon at once, the benefits of a fork, or spoon, are lost. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

 

Gastronicum

Pure Gold

 

Johnathan Gold

Johnathan Gold, you will be greatly missed. Your voice was like petting the softest fur and your intelligence was astonishing. I listened from afar and tried to never miss a show on Good Food’s podcast. R.I.P.

Donugs?

Donug

Maybe you’ve heard about this one if you hang out on social media but the Donug caught our attention. Yes, Do-Nug…a donut shaped chicken nugget, deep fried, with toppings. Uh huh. Sadly, the toppings are (apparently, and so far) all savory. Who’s going to add the Molé with pecans? The maple syrup bacon BBQ icing?

IHOB joke by A&W

IHOB Fails Us:

In a casual blind taste test, the IHOB burger outscored burgers from Islands,  Denny’s, Five Guy’s and Red Robin. Who would have thunk it? We’ll miss mocking them for the name change but we still love commercial waffles and pancakes and prefer making our own burgers.

Windex - Copy

What’s in a Name?

Er, the worst cocktail name we’ve ever heard of was…Windex. This was in the age before ‘mixologists’ but some bartenders were creative anyway. A bartender made a mix of vodka and blue curaçao to be served in shots…and yes, it looked exactly like Windex. No one would drink it. She said it tasted pretty good but we’ll never know.

Jello salad

Grandma’s Cooking

My grandma hated to eat, cook and basically everyone, as was apparent from her staple holiday recipe, good for all occasions. It was Lime Jello with chunks of iceburg lettuce floating around in it. It may have caused permanent damage to all the children involved. The above picture, which was open sourced, actually looks better than hers. Grandma was not into garnishes or extra ingredients…revolting as those depicted are. But yes, she molded it. I’d make some for an image but I have better things to do with what’s left of my sanity.

pickle fork pic

Louis XV by Whiting Div. of Gorham, Sterling Olive Fork, Long Handle

Buy used:

$62.00

+ $6.95 shipping

Just what we all need, right?